Heart sick

It’s when the holding on becomes most difficult, that the person you are holding needs you the most. 

It’s when you are tired of doing good and end up feeling used, that your intentions matter the most.

 

Living a life of monotony can become overbearing. Doing the same thing again and again can make you feel weak, can make you feel tired in the bones. Praying for a friend to have a change of heart, for another friend who sometimes takes you for granted, for another who believes that remaining angry and not talking about the problem will eventually make everything alright.

 

Like the arms of a clock slowly ticking, you feel the hope ticking away second by second.

 

Anything I do or say, does it make a difference?

Though prohesised to do “great things for the Lord”, is there really anything “great” happening when all one does is the same thing (with very slight variations) day in and day out?

 

Is that how David, the shepherd boy, felt when he was anointed by Prophet Samuel to become a king (1 Samuel 12:13); a prophecy that was fulfilled after 20 years?   

 

Twenty years of waiting; this means years of taking care of the sheep, before he finally took care of the flock he was appointed to take care of.

 

A coward dies a thousand deaths (William Shakespeare)… but hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12); and who can live with a sick heart?

 

So was David heart sick during his period of waiting, during the 20 long years? Is that when he wrote…

 

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. (Psalm 37: 7-9)

 

One tries to learn from history, tries not to fret and tries to be more patient… all the while holding on to God like David did during those 20 long years. 

 

Though my faith is as small as a mustard seed in front of the mountains of problems I face, I learn not to feel discouraged, for that’s all He needs – my ‘mustard seed faith’ to move those mountains. (Mathew 17:20)

 

Instead, I learn to be still…

 

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