Crippled but made strong

1

 

The test was scheduled for December 1 and I woke up from my slumber, Alice in Wonderland that I am, on November 26.

 

“Oh my goodness! The deadline is December 16, I need to book my exam date (Toefl) before it gets too late.” It was already late, and I had to pay extra money to be able to write the exam on 1st. Well, better late than never. With a frown on my face, when I checked the message informing me about the money deducted from my bank account, I made a vow that I am going to study day and night – no hanging out with friends, no reading novels and watching late night TV shows. I am going to take gazillion mock tests and be thoroughly prepared.

 

“Take the exam seriously. It’s just a matter of five days and it’s a lot of money ($200 or Rs 13,000 approx), so study hard,” said the girl, who watched me turn pink and blue under the stress of studying for the impending exam, followed by the subsequent water works as the ‘Columbia adventure’ felt real for the first time.

 

“It’s just that I want this so bad and writing this exam makes me it all the more real. I would hate for it to all come crashing down. What if I get a pathetic score? People prepare at least for a month, I just have five days in hand,” said the soul shaken by fear and self-doubt. 

 

What if the Columbia adventure becomes Columbia misadventure? What if I freeze when giving the four hour long exam? I think I made a mistake. I should have waited. Prepared at least for a month and then booked the date. I don’t even know where the test centre is, what if I am an hour late and utterly disorganized?

 

2

 

I had battled and overcome fear in the past, but under different circumstances. So I once again called upon God to help me. This time I prayed to God by one of His great names, Yahweh Yireh, which means “the LORD will provide.” Praying to Yahweh Yireh reminded me that God saw my situation and could provide for my needs.

 

– Wendy Blight (http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/the-lord-will-provide-2/)

 

The stress was too much for me to handle and I was collapsing under its weight. In addition to that, I hardly studied for more than four hours and took just two mock tests. Out of fear, I prayed like a person facing death. I prayed to Yahweh Yireh to write my exam; to be the one sitting in front of the computer and typing the answers.

 

The exam went well and I was happy with my performance. But a day before I was supposed to get the results, I had a dream that I was writing an exam in Disneyland Hong Kong (say whaaat??!!) and was fairing poorly (say noooo!!).

 

The next day, the moment I switched on my system, and saw the email with the dreaded subject: Your TOEFL Scores are now Available.

 

“Okay! I did my best. Just check the score and get over with it.” But fear had a question for me. “Didn’t you write the exam on the day Paul Walker died? What if that’s a bad omen? Plus the dream you had yesterday?”

 

Yahweh Yireh, the LORD will provide. Yahweh Yireh, the LORD will provide.

 

110/120.

 

What? Whaaaaat? Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? Prayed to Jesus to write my exam and he KILLED it. More than happy, I am so very thankful right now. While everybody is calling me “genius” and “wow! You did it!!” I know I can’t take the credit; it’ll be stupid if I did. And I think, many of you might agree with me when I say, I had nothing to do with it.

 

With these scores, my application is also submitted. The wheels are set in motion and it’s time for Jesus to take the centre stage. 

 

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