Two of my friends are going to the US. One of them is going to study, an endeavor that finally bore fruit after two years of struggle. The other friend got a lucrative job offer, one that people wouldn’t mind killing each other for. Ha! Just kidding.
Though I am excited, proud and happy for both of them, there is an emotion that reigns stronger than the three of them combined. Jealousy, and that is something I am not at all kidding about.
I know I shouldn’t be feeling that way, but try telling a baby to stop crying when you want them to. Will they listen to you no matter how gently or angrily you convey your request? One doesn’t need to be a parent to answer that one.
So while I try to tell myself that I shouldn’t be jealous, there’s something lurking in the back of mind, demanding my attention – a voice, much more persuasive than the voice of reason.
“Why not me? What don’t I get to go to the US? I have been trying for years? Why them? Are they better? Are they your favorite God?”
Babies are cute and beautiful, but they are also many a times ungrateful. They don’t care or even remember how many times you woke up in the middle of the night to calm them. Or how much you struggle to give them the food they like to play with.
And so I fought the lost battle, until I finally realized that I need to stop. I can either go on or stop and be thankful for the crazy stuff God has ALREADY done in my life; things I chose to forget when consumed with the greed of things that are not yet given to me.
1) A job that pays be enough to travel the world. 2) Trip to Disneyland; a place none of my family or friends have ever been to. 3) A home to live in, food that is never scarce and family that makes me complete…
The list goes on and with every gift that I acknowledge I feel better but also ashamed of my ungratefulness. But in the end, I smile in peace knowing full well that there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. (C.S. Lewis)