Mourning a loss

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The exterior remains unfazed; the same old cycle of laughing, joking, annoyance, surprise and expectation keeps the mind busy. But the soul… ah! That’s a different story. The soul, on the other hand, is having an out-of-body experience. Looking at things around it like they should really be looked at… a whisper among the roar.

Earth is just a speck in the universe, and still it is so much easier to lose perspective, so much easier to believe that ours is the centre around which the universe revolves.

We met after years, yet it felt like it was just yesterday that things went downhill. Friendship, so pure and innocent, which should never have been taken for granted and messed with. The soul looks at the mistakes so callously made, the scars for which serve as a reminder of what the ugly can do to a body made by God meant solely to love.

 

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We made a mistake. I admit it; so do you. But what I am unable to admit is the loss that weighs on my soul like… like death? Yes, like death. The time won’t come back and I shake my head in sadness. Was it just yesterday that I called you “a gem of a friend”? No, it wasn’t, was it? It was during the time when we didn’t cloud each other with our emotions and insecurities. You say I am a writer and that I am supposed to be good with words. Yet I fumble trying to say the words that my soul is silently singing.

You say you deserved better that you deserved better from a person you trusted. You say you are sorry for the mistakes you made, that whatever happened wasn’t one person’s fault. Things have changed and we have matured. “Yea, I have aged like a 100 years in my head, since then,” I joke; you laugh admitting that my “lame” streak is strong as ever. What I don’t add is what it took to get there, what it took to get to feeling like a 100 years old.

The soul grieves, for it knows things will never be the same. Yes, we forgave, laughed and talked about things that were never spoken about before. Yes, we let go of things that had held on to us for so long. But the soul knows that they are never going to be each other’s rock ever again. Hence, it grieves.

 

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