“Those are the words I want people to use to describe me,” said my friend. While she gobbled down her sandwich, I quickly wrote down the words (she does’t know, and let’s just keep it that way) that suddenly seemed to bring so many things in focus. “Gosh! I didn’t realize I was so hungry.”
Neither did I. You are younger than me and I, thus, look at you as one of my little ones. But here you are proving to me with every word — which pours like a gushing stream on a barren land — that maturity comes not with age but experience. You can’t stop smiling, you are excited to tell me everything you have learnt this past month, when we could hardly meet. You have so much to give and I, forever in need, sit in silence and listen.
She has been busy preparing for her SATs and IELTS. While I anxiously wait to hear from my university, she is terrified with the exam results that are due any day this week. Right now, both of us are in the same boat that forever seems to sailing over rocky waters. And even though every minute in this rickety little boat feels like an eternity, it’s not that bad — we have got each other. Never let real joy be controlled by the things you can’t really control. (Ann Voskamp) And since we can’t control our future, we make sure we are there for each other because that’s something both of us can control.
“This month has been so intense for me. God has been speaking to me and it is just so vivid,” she continued. She went to write her exams in a different city and it was there she was extended a lifeline that is now keeping both of us afloat. “Our pastor in church, he dresses so well and is always so prim and proper. But wouldn’t it be weird if his family wore rags? If we are children of God, wouldn’t God make sure his children are looked after? Wouldn’t He work miracles in their lives so that people can look at them and say that they are His? Then why do we worry and fret whether our studies will be funded? Wouldn’t He provide for us, the way our pastor provides for his family?”
I exhale and say the words that were meant to be heard by no one except the one who has always been waiting to hear them. “Do you really care that much? Will you look after me and do something that benefits none except me? You don’t have to, I clearly don’t deserve… but will you really?”
“So, I have been thanking God,” she said, giddy with the excitement. “I am thanking him for getting me full scholarship, for helping me get through the college… ask and you shall receive. I am receiving.”
Receiving. I try to imagine what food would I use to describe this word. Wine? Yes, wine. You might not like it in the beginning, but once you acquire a taste for it, you relish it. And well, it just gets better with time. Receiving… now where am I with it? I have acquired a taste for it, I am just starting to learn how to relish it….
Mum just dropped by suddenly while I was in the middle of typing this post and guess what she gave me? Paper clips that have got “Faith. Hope. Love.” printed on them.
“Thank you,” I say as I looked at the clips on my bed. “Teach me how to receive what I have asked for in faith.”