There is beauty in not judging someone. Not just for the one who’s not judging, but for the “judgee” — not a word, but I am typing this at 1.30 am, so I take the liberty to be a little weird or perhaps a lot more.
The days have been like a roller-coaster ride. Fear at times that whatever I am doing is not good enough or just not enough — it’s been like a week since I posted here and their reminder emails don’t make me feel particularly chipper. Then there are days when I feel that life is just passing me buy, while I am, on the other hand, a spectator looking at things happening from the outside, like a freaky out of body experience.
Then there is condemnation. For things I should not have done to the things I should have done. I saw a lady, my mum’s age, meet up with an accident. Her body lay limp amidst the unfurling chaos around her. As a witness, I felt guilty for what happened to her. Just because it didn’t happen to me does it mean, I am better than her?
A condemned soul, prisoner to the thoughts that chain and on other occasions, prisoner to the ones who are going through the same thing.
And then…I like such ‘then’s. Like those ‘but’s in a sentence that sometimes change a story upside down.
Back to the then… Then there are some words that bring the misplaced centre back to the place that many know as the heart.
“It’s OK.” That’s all. No drama, no fuss. But I think that’s what I needed; someone to tell me ‘it’s OK’ (especially with an all caps OK) to feel the way I am feeling, to feel that I am not doing enough, to sometimes feel like I am not living the life I am meant to live… For someone to say “it’s OK’, especially when they are full aware of the ugly that one tries so hard to hide under the bright light.
Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. (Desmond Tutu) Do your little bit of good and help lift the burden of the ‘judgees’ (plural of judgee), they can do with a little bit of love.
Judgees, they deserve to be persecuted but many a times what they really need is mercy — compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm (online dictionary).