The words have always been inside of me, but I never really knew how to say them out loud. They were there, but always felt incomplete, lacking in something… That is until we had the conversation one Tuesday afternoon and you shared about your past.
The reason why you are reading what you are reading is not because I am perfect, but because as a friend who has seen what nobody else has, I feel it’s my responsibility. You know, people like Robin Williams, Philip Seymour or even Marlyn Monroe, they didn’t just wake up one day wanting to give up on life where they had everything to life for. The darkness seeped in slowly and gradually, it took roots and finally consumed them. What if there were someone who had noticed this when it started, what if they had nipped it before it took over them… Well, we’ll never know.
I had always felt that you wrestled with insecurity — the way you spoke about your past relationships or even the way you sometimes behaved around me — but then, I assumed I was wrong. It could have just been that you are different than me. That was until you told me about your childhood, the recent dream that left you seething with anger because all of us were hanging out someplace and didn’t bother inviting you… Don’t you see there is an underlying theme? You are scared (or terrified?) to be left alone. And you somehow are convinced that people are going to abandon you.
Here’s the truth: People die, they fall out of friendships/love, move on or just drift apart. Many a times, they do leave you without keeping in mind the consequences.
It happens and is bound to happen. There is no stopping that. Amongst them all, the only thing that you have an control over is yourself. You just cannot hold on to people to make you feel secure — we are just a mere breath and you never which one of us is going to pop out of this world first.
Why do you want your past to dictate what your future will be like? If your childhood was scarring, why carry the painful reminders as medallions forever pinned to your heart?
It is human to stand in a crowd, but it is divine to stand alone.
We have got just one shot at this life, one shot to see how it all turns out. Do you want to be chained down by an insecurity or do you want to soar in the sky like an eagle and really live the life you are meant to live?
The choice is yours.
Imperfectly perfect one