It’s as thick as asphalt, as black as the night sky, as viscous as the gum that sticks on one’s very pretty shoes. These thoughts, one that I sometimes wish could be put up for adoption. Discard them, dump them in the bin, walk away and never look back.
But, I can’t. Actually I can, but then I’ll just be a robot with two arms. I wouldn’t want that. Would you?
In the meanwhile, I try to make sense. How can both fresh and salt water flow from the same spring? How can I feel extreme love and hatred at the same time? How can my mind churn bitter thoughts while I listen to some uplifting music? How can I be somebody’s friend and their worst enemy, all at the same time?
One thing I have realised, a lesson life has taught, a song that the heart no longer forgets — there is good behind every evil. People might hurt each other, they might violate the body of the helpless, they might speak words that are much more toxic than any detergent… But every giant started as a little baby. There eyes first opened in amazement to the world they were never prepared to live in. And then something happened; something tragic, something sad… something broken that led to the tragic stories that each one of us are forever carrying with us.
And I am sorry. You didn’t deserve it. Your friend wasn’t supposed to die early; your mother was supposed to be heavenly. Your dreams were never supposed to lose its glow; the world was always supposed to be brand new.
As I sadly look at the patch of green near my house, my heart grows heavy and my feet plod on. The tractor marks are there and there are few trees missing. The view is a little less green, but life goes on. There are more seeds waiting to sprout, more leaves willing to show their green to the world that will quickly forget the fallen ones… There is hope even when everything makes one look in the opposite direction.
I am sorry if you feel the dead are lucky. But their story book is complete; while yours and mine is still pending.