It has started to get cold and the streets have started to lose their busyness. As I make my way home, I can see why there are more strays (mostly dogs, but on rare occasions sheep too), than humans.
Everybody wants to be home, where the windows are shut tight and drinks are served piping hot from the stove. Wrapped in warm clothes and surrounded by people that make living worthwhile… yes, that’s what one wants when the cold starts to bite.
But there are people out on the streets. I saw one yesterday, her face was not visible because she was trying to cover herself up; it was cold and she was trying to sit still and not move. It was sad, but what’s more pitiable when one willing walks away from the warmth. When they know they need something, but choose to give up on it anyway.
I share a room with my sister. And compared to me, she feels cold more often. Which means you will always spot her buried underneath the blankets. And every time I insist on switching on the fan, when it gets stuffy, she unleashes her ‘ninja-ness’ on me. While going to sleep, she makes sure I have tons of blankets covering me; even if that means death by suffocation.
Truth be told, there were times when I couldn’t sleep because, yes, it was too cold . But rather than making myself warm, my first instinct has always been to fight against it, to pretend I don’t need the warmth, to tell myself that I can manage well on my own and alone.
Pitiable indeed when one tries to be win a game that nobody is interested in playing. Funny too how we all pretend to be doing fine on our own, when in reality we are waiting for someone — a friend, a stranger, a bird, a plant — to love us back.
But why then is love so scary? Why do we run helter-skelter when confronted by it? Why do we prefer to fight the losing battle than embrace what was always meant for us?
I am not going to attempt answer that big question. I am not because I have no clue myself. But one thing I am sure of though — I have tried to resist this love for a long time. And now, I think it’s finally time to find my way back home.