The view from my window,
is one among the many.
If I lean to my right,
I can see the cross that shines in the night.
I don’t know if you sometimes feel, that you are Superman and everybody around you needs rescuing. The hungry, the poor, the lost, the helpless… Do you sometimes spend your days worrying? Do you feel you can’t go on, does the weeping of the world, sweeps you off your feet and when you try to balance yourself, you land back with a thud? No matter how much one does, there is always an empty hand, a lonely man by the street that needs a little hug or the curve of the smile that he has long forgotten.
It can be impossible, to really be in love with life’s every moment when all we hear about are dead bodies and the dreams that desperately need fulfilling. I know I am loved, I am also aware that there are people who would rather die than see me upset, I have a family that has given everything I could possibly need… But I still wonder, why the solitary walk under the stars, the one I quietly make after I am done with my day, why do I still on some days feel so very lonely?
Words like — “We are there for you”, “I am never going to leave you”, “You are loved”… I know what they mean, my brain is well-equipped to process them. But why do they not sink deeper? Why do I just glance through them and rather than letting them hold roots, I throw them in the pit like unwanted weeds.
I try to count my blessings, I try to remind myself of the things I have because in front of that desolate man by the street I am a princess with abundant riches. I feel guilty when I realise that my reasons to feel morose mean nothing to the that man who’s simply worried about where his next meal is going to come from.
My friend long ago had mentioned what he had learnt. Funny thing is, I don’t remember this friend, but I remember what he had said during that noisy afternoon as I drank from my plastic cup at a party where I knew not many people.
“Human mind is fashioned in such a manner that to actually remember what you have read, you need to read it thrice. That’s the trick one must follow when they read a manuscript, an article or anything of importance. Read it thrice. First time round, the mind casually glances at the words and goes through them. Second time, it digs a little deeper and actually process what the written word says. The third time round, it is fully ready to retain and collect important information.”
This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. (Joshua 1:8)
Read it again and again… This is something I usually fail to remember. The happy moments, the things I have proud of, I need to remind myself of this fleeting joy again and again. Because those lonely days are far too many, and I need to grab that joy and store it in a box… because I am going to need it.
As the day gets longer and the work brings with it nothing but slumber,
I lean to my right and I stare right out from the glass window.
The cross is there and it’s not going anywhere,
why then am I always forgetting where it is?