Monster in disguise

It’s like a drug, the more you have, the more you want. The less you have, the less you are… well, yourself.

Control is what I am talking about, control is what we all crave for — over people, situations, life. Never works, does it now?

From waking up at a certain time to how much I must eat in a day, I sometimes wonder whether I would be the happiest person if I could just stick to the stupid schedule, the silly thing I chalk out in my head every morning as I open my eyes to a brand new day. “Things to do” and with it my inner clock starts to tick. If the day doesn’t meet my standards, then I berate my poor, over worked soul. Who thought I was my own monster in disguise?

I am a promising candidate to be a Gone Girl after all. I realised that this morning, after reading 300+ pages of a book I can’t get enough of.  An elegant hop-skip and jump and I will be on the other side, joined at the hip of Amy Dunne that my friends who watched the movie find “so very crazy”.

Your mind will quit 100 times, before your body ever does. And mine does every second; on me, you and everybody close and un-close.

Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away… forever. (The Joker)

But it’s also said, Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

And I dangle, do my little dance as my feet moves from one edge to the other; not sure where they will finally land.

I hope your ending is more promising.


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