Get that turbulence going…

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From my bedroom window, I have the beautiful view of the rising sun and changing colours that no artists’ palette can ever compare to. Beauty is all around us; a mantra I keep reminding myself of, one I hope to never get tired of.

Sometimes, it’s important to keep doing, saying, chanting the things that mean the most to you — your work, passion, dreams… keep that whirlpool going in your mind, for the ship never moved forward if there was nothing going on underwater.

My friend is writing a book. I am impressed, shocked and a little jealous.

Impressed: He is not the kind that reads books.

Shocked: Wow! Unlike most of my bookworm friends, I remember him spending most of his time hanging out with friends, going to work or attending some events.

Jealous: I am a writer and I am quite positive that I am not ready to write a book. Yet, my friend, has already started writing one. Jealous, oh yes indeed!

As I bumped into him a few days ago, he asked me whether I am free — followed by my trademark lame joke, “No, I come at a price”. As we sat at the table, he asked me what motivates me to push forward when faced with failure. I was flattered, finally someone saw me for what I really want to me — inspirational. “I am doing a research and have been asking this to question to everyone I meet.” *face palm*

Hmm, back to the question: “I would have to say jealousy, guilt and the fact that rules just CAN’T be broken.”

Jealousy: At work, if I see my colleague filing a lot of stories, I get jealous. I don’t sabotage their work or stop talking to them, I just get this weird sensation that I know I can only get rid of when I start to work on more copies than usual.
Guilt: I am a writer and if I am not writing then I am only wasting my time. People are going to remember me by the stories they see in print (or online) and not by the record number of emails I efficiently send in a day.

Rules that CAN’T be broken: I have been waking up at 5.30 am everyday, watching the sunrise, reading a book, exercising for sometime and going to sleep again as my work allows me to sleep in till late. But on days I give in to laziness and I don’t wake up, I feel SO guilty. “You are so useless, you are going to waste your life just sleeping like a pig…” I know I can be harsh, but for me it works, I need to be hard on myself if I want results. So next day, if I feel lazy, I remind myself how guilty I am going to feel and very soon I am out of the bed.

It’s not a bullet-proof formula and I have failed many a times. But this is what motivates me, makes me move forward when all I want to do is sink deep in the earth and not be uprooted ever again, even if it’s for my own good.

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