SURPRISE!!! Sun(prised) or sur(prised)?

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There one waiting for you up my nose. Following in the footsteps of Calvin & Hobbes, I too am actively involved in “snot donations”. Respect, you better come to me, for I have finally earned it!

Sunday was as predictable as my hair that has a wicked mind of its own. It’s quite a task to live with a mom – I am a saint, thank you very much – who is busier than a social butterfly. Considering the bootcamp training I have been part of since I was a foetus, I am confident I can run the country – as long as I get to drink coffee all day long and not do anything. With her friends coming over at 10.30 am (what is this early-morning-rising-and-shining with people? Since when did we forget that we are the direct descendants of bats) my sister and I were kicked out of the bed. Here’s why:

  1. We could have stayed at home and made small talk with a group that we had nothing in common with. (Thank you, but no thank you)
  2. We could instead leave early and head to my sister’s place that was on the other end of town. (Urggggh! But yes. Things I do to get my own way)
STAGE 1

So we left home like soldiers off to a war against the world full of people among whom we didn’t fit *Dramatic background score* Ahem, the “soldiers” then realised that war is not the answer and got inside an air-conditioned car to take them to their next stop – the church.

My faith is my own, and I am often caught sleeping at church – so you better not judge me whichever way you choose to swing. Today was no different – perhaps it was; exception being that I had finally mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes open. When somebody meets me their first reaction is that I am either a very calm and collected person OR I am a b****. I don’t mind either one as long as people don’t know the true story – if you were observing me in church today, you would assume that the pensive look on my face was because of the pastor’s enlightening words. *Haha, fooled ya!* So go ahead and assume whatever you want, most of the times it works in my favour.

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Picture used for representational purposes. Also, I kinda like this one even though it bears no affinity to the aforementioned words. 

STAGE 2

Then came the call of hunger. In a bid to get out of the house early, we had forgotten to eat anything *pity us, you heartless mortals* And the withering heat wasn’t really helping either. Even though people have been complaining about the insane heat, I feel Indian summer have their equal set of advantages and disadvantages:

  1. Absolutely no traffic in the afternoon. Which mean I can finally live longer and not spend eternity reading the bumper sticker of the cars that goes: “I am only speeding because I really have to poop”. Which coincidentally, even I had to. Sigh!
  2. If you have forgotten about a date or a plan to meet a friend, blame it on the heat. Not only will you get a basket full of goodies to help you recover from dehydration, your friends won’t kill you for standing them up. I am a genius, I know!
  3. But what is torturous to bear are the number of butt-cracks that men have been flashing around during this time. I always wish I had a like a taser so that I could stun them down there – and then to be able to tell the tale to others, take training from Usain Bolt, and run as fast as I could to stay alive.
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I want to ride my cycle all day long, but my posterior will certainly be charred beyond recognition. Sob sniff… and yeowww! That seat is hot!

STAGE 3

After baking in the heat for 20 mins, we reached this place that serves amazing omelettes and killer coffee – I didn’t mind the hot drink because they have air conditioning. As we sat down at our table, my sister winked at me to check out the cute guy seated at the table right in front of us.

Turns out sitting next to the eye-candy wasn’t really a good option. Why you ask? I am going to answer even if you didn’t ask because I am cool like that.

  1. The noise two human beings can collectively make is baffling and I am NOT talking about the naughty noise.
  2. The two were not Indians and I was surprised by the realisation that the Indians in the cafe – usually considered loud and obnoxious – weren’t making as much noise as they were.
  3. He was cute, but on a date. So I might as well have a horse seated in front of me.
But the worst was yet to come. After 15 minutes, seven more girls walked in (not Indians = so much noise = I should learn to harness sound energy because the group could have provided electricity to a village for 10 years). Oh wait! That wasn’t the worst part, that was when the AC stopped working and my hot drink suddenly seemed too hot.

Now, why am I telling you about my exciting and chipper Sunday? That’s for me to know and you to find out *wooohhahaha*.

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I am cool but in a psychopathic manner. But no one will ever believe you because, gosh, look at me, I am like Bambi. *wooohahaha evil laugh*
Also:

“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”
Zeno of Citium

And this post was your Lesson No 1 *exits the stage dramatically and then accidentally falls off the stage*
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