I looked at envy as the blonde, five foot something, ordered a Starbucks cold coffee. I had gone to meet her under unusual circumstances. While she looked prim and gay at her place of work, I took a mental picture of how I often look at mine:
Bunch of muddy pigs running to and fro in a forsaken pigsty.
I gritted my teeth in frustration – “Why can’t I be so fancy and sip chai lattes while I effortlessly handle work that can even reduce Hulk to tears?”
That was a month ago, a time when I was looking for change that took its own sweet time to come knocking at my gate. And the thing is, I did have the time to be fancy – wake up at 12, sleep whenever I want to, drink as many chai lattes (no clue what they are but they do sound fancy) as my body could digest – compared to the ‘I am working inside the pressure cooker’ modeI had been on for the past 5 years.
But then guess what happened?
a) I grew wings because I was so much at peace
Option B, it was. Though I received what I wanted to – a day full of meaningless meandering and stars from the galaxy – I soon grew restless when the vacation soon headed down towards ‘why-no-action?”
But then that was over too. As abrupt as it reads, my moods oscillated between freedom-anxiety-peace. And finally, I was back to the grind where sleeping after 9 was just a dream.
“I miss the vacation, days full of sweet nothing and time to do whatever I please,” sighed my hypocritical heart.
But alas! I have yet to master the art of loving what I have rather than looking back at it nostalgically when it’s in the past.